She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
