All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
