I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm experimenting with sincerity
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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