no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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