apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I wish you could order shots online.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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