You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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