____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just threw up on my dentist
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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