On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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