I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
