Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize