saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
