I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left