OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
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And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.