yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We need to rekindle our bromance
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.