I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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