Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
