Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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