sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
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How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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