Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
