Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
