Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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