I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
