These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
