Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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