His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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