shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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