I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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