what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
