The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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