Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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