one might say we're banned from that church
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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