I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
