I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
