Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just puked most of my soul out..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
