Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
no, he came in my armpit
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
