Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
