me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
