so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
