You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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