Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
