If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
