i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
