dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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