He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
