it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Boobs speak an international language.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
