Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
