This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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