Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
