Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
