Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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