my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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