I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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