you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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