Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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