I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
