North Korea, Best Korea!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
