he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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