So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
