I wanna bring you to show and tell
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
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so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
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I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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