I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think I died a long time ago.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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