How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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