I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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