Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
