I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
