tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
