Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
