i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
