Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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